You didn’t expect this. Nobody did.
Planning in a Pandemic
You didn’t expect this. Nobody did.
Let’s look at a few things which might help at this difficult time…
Allow yourself to feel whatever you feel
If you’re in a position where you need to postpone, cancel or completely rethink your wedding, you’ll have many emotions rushing around.
Naturally you will be very upset and overwhelmed.
I’ve even had a number of brides tell me they feel guilty ….. guilty that they’re grieving over their wedding at a time when people around the world are dying.
Don’t beat yourself up!
If your plans have to change significantly you are suffering the loss of a huge, already emotive, event in your life and it is a grieving process.
Sometimes a good old cry can help before we pick ourselves up and work out what to do next.
Working on things you can affect or control
One thing us humans really don’t like is the feeling of being out of control.
However sometimes the Universe throws a spanner in the works and we feel utterly confused, scared and yes out of control.
When it comes to your wedding you want to know that everything you have spent ages meticulously planning will come to fruition on the date you planned, with the people you love.
Even if you are newly engaged and haven’t done much you may be worried you won’t get the wedding you’d hoped for because others’ weddings may be moved to your preferred date, or the venue and suppliers you think you want won’t be available.
We cannot control when the pandemic will be over, nor when our Government, wherever we are, will relax the rules on what we can do.
We can however control how we choose to to communicate with others and keep ourselves and those involved informed.
- talk to your insurer about exactly what is, or is not, covered in your policy;
- speak to your venue about postponing to later in the year;
- ask your celebrant whether the new date fits with their schedule;
- speak to your bridal party and other key guests to make sure they can make the later date;
- think through anything you may need to alter if you have moved from, say, a Spring wedding to a Winter one.
Making a list and ticking off some action points will hopefully go some way towards making you feel a bit more in control again.
Return to your Big Vision
Even if it’s just in your head, you have a vision of what your day will look like.
Consider now the degree, if any, to which it might need to change, be it swapping garden games for a fun indoor activity, considering which flowers are around at your new time of year or moving timings around a little to suit a different date.
Remember to involve your suppliers as they can advise in their area of expertise.
Grieving for a wedding which may now have changed in any number of ways takes time, just as mourning the loss of anything or anyone does.
It’s a process, not something you can just tick off the list.
If it’s really overwhelming, perhaps give yourself 15 minutes a day when you have permission to rant, cry or stamp your feet, then move on to something more positive like going for a run, doing a specific work project or making some calls to suppliers.
Once you have a list of people and companies you need to contact yes, do it in a timely manner and a sensible order, but don’t feel you have to do it all at once.
As I always say in my membership club, wedding planning is not a solo sport, so if you have friends and family who can share the load at this difficult time, as well as happier planning moments, accept their help with calls and emails.
Suppliers may need to hear from you yourself but others can schedule calls, draft emails and contact key guests.
If you suddenly find yourself not only moving your wedding, but working from home for the first time, it can be a real shift.
I consider myself lucky.
I have worked from home for 18 years so for me the changes are minimal, but for you it may be a whole new world.
I also don’t have small children any more.
Grown up ones suddenly cooped up together present their own challenges, but it’s nothing like suddenly having to homeschool as well as everything else.
So take breaks.
I work in 25 and 45 minute slots with everything I do – yep, I actually put a timer on – and then catch your breath.
Simple goals like a cuppa, a biscuit, a half hour walk once you’ve achieved 45 minutes of a task can be a real incentive.
Don’t Hide Away
When we have things thrown at us which are out of our control some of us react by hiding under a virtual, or even a real, duvet.
Staying connected with family, friends and people going through the same as you can really help.
I am not going to rant on about gratitude, because that’s quite a tall order if you’ve just postponed the biggest day of your life….
However, connecting with others can allow us to help them, as they help us, and on occasion see those who have it worse off.
I’m sure you’re FaceTime, Zoom, WhatsApp (other platforms are available – and thank goodness for them all) – ing your family and friends, however you may want to connect with those in just the same boat.
If you’re not part of our Facebook Community do join.
I am very proud to host a community of incredibly supportive brides to be, many of whom are currently facing heartache, financial difficulties and grieving the loss of the wedding they’d planned.
Yet still they remain amazingly positive and helpful to one another.
Take Care of Yourself
This is completely up to you, and we are all different, but my advice is this…
Rather than fall off the wedding diet wagon, give up exercise because the gym’s closed, or spiral into victim mode because the Universe has ‘done this to us’, why not use it as an opportunity..
There are so many online exercise classes, groups dieting or practising healthy eating together and amazing digital courses, set some goals and try to use this time to achieve them.
Change can be exhausting in itself, so please make sure you’re getting enough sleep. It’s so true that things look better in the morning.
You can also use some of those breaks we discussed for napping!
Get through this as a couple
I leave you with perhaps the most important comment..
Do all that you need to do at this tough time as a couple.
Everyone is finding it hard, whether it’s the lack of sport on TV, the kids going stir crazy or still not knowing whether your Summer wedding will be possible.
Communicating and getting through it together, dividing up tasks and maintaining a sense of humour will all go a long way to bringing you closer.
Marriage, whenever it happens, is bound to be a doddle by comparison!
Hang in there gorgeous ones.
Image Credits in order: Freestocks.org via pexels,
Dasa Wharton, Studio M, Daniel Reche via pexels, Konstantin V via pexels, Cottonbro via pexels.
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